Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
