dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
