this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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