Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
