We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
