sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
