we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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