Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
