I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
