Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
