They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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