just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
