im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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