Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
