Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
