Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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