You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
