We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
