I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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