according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
