he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize