when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
