Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
