i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
