I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
