Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
