Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
