I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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