how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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