alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Found the puke drawer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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