I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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