I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
