who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
