I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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