the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When did angry sex become our thing?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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