Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
