okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
