i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
