even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
