i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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