1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
