three words: i give head
three words: not that well
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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