I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
