Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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