Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
