life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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