Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
