too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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