fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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