either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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