so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize