I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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