I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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