I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
