Your face is a jimmy john
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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