just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
