I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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