dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
