already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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