from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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