it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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