So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
