Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
