I cockslap morals
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My bed smells like the plague
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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