Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
