sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
