I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
