yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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