New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
