The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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