they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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