One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
