I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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