My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
