i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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