I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
