She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
