hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
