ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
