this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
