Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dignity is for republicans.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
